Humble Bumble In Berlin

This morning found me sitting outside a Starbucks and sipping a cold vanilla milk in the sunshine. I have recently taken to spending a salutary half-hour studying the faces of the young and not-so-young Californians who, in a desperate stream, pull up in their SUV’s and BMW’s, hurry in to order and then race off clutching coffees and heading to who-knows-where on important business. I find it salutary because it is so easy for me to ignore the suffering, the stress, the anxiety and the shame that afflicts my fellow citizens whilst I risk being cocooned in complacency about the USA, its economy, its way of life and its reputation.

A number of the cars had bumper stickers that said ‘OBAMA FOR CHANGE’, whilst others had slogans opposing drilling for oil in the Arctic Refuge, stopping the war, fighting AIDS in Africa and supporting ‘Gay Marriage’. No wonder these people need their coffee when there is so much to worry about in the world and when their Government and their greedy, rapacious fellow-citizens are responsible for so much suffering, not only around the world but at home too. For here in America, surely almost everyone is being made homeless or is being forced to cut down on meals because of the price of gas and the loss of jobs. Worse still, the people of the world fear and despise us as warmongers, greedy exploiters and purveyors of terror. And so, the faces of these coffee drinkers remind me that I should feel guilty and anxious too, on this peaceful sunny Californian morning. I must stop enjoying my prosperity and realize that I am unfairly privileged in this world. But what can I do to put things right?

Fortunately, cometh the hour, cometh the man and as the Western world’s media is telling us in every headline, in November the Messiah will take over the leadership of the US and everything will speedily and magically be put right. What a marvel this man is! Fresh from his whistle-stop tour of mid-East trouble spots he arrived in Berlin on Thursday to greet his disciples with a message of hope. Although he whistled through Afghanistan, Iraq and Israel, it is not proper that I too should whistle through, for unlike the Messiah I cannot do justice to his great wisdom so speedily. Here is a man (surely he is more than a man?) who can judge military/social/economic situations within hours of arrival in a country and without prior study, prescribe the solutions that he will order next January as Commander-in-Chief. A surge here! A withdrawal there! A troop reduction and cut in military spending at the same time as an invasion of a vast mountainous nation of hundreds of millions! Surely this is a man who can walk on water (or is it, stroll through Media headlines?)?

The Messiah has been “burnishing his image as a global statesman”. In Berlin, to a crowd of 200,000 (did the Media disciples include themselves in that precise total?) he “drew upon Washington’s historic role in rebuilding post- World War 2 Berlin to call for an enhanced alliance that would work to combat the resurgent Taliban in Afghanistan and the spread of nuclear weapons”. He “pledged a more humble and engaged US administration” to help heal the trans-Atlantic rift created by the Bush invasion of Iraq. In a confession of searing honesty the Messiah admitted (on our behalf, no less!) “I know my country has not perfected itself. At times, we’ve struggled to keep the promise of liberty and equality for all of our people”. This particular admission on behalf of the American people generated the loudest applause of his 25-minute sermon. It will do much to heal the awful wounds in Germany that Bush inflicted with his invasion of Iraq. It is good that the young, the radical, the chic of Berlin can hear and be assured of their moral and racial superiority over the US and by no less a person than our next President. I suppose the Messiah’s knowledge of history (as well as his military credentials) was gleaned during his time at Yale and only begins in 1945. Like his Berlin listeners he has been spared knowledge of the Reichstag Fire, Krystal Nacht, Auschwitz, the savage and unprovoked German invasion of Poland, the racial purification of Europe by human incineration and the murder of the handicapped. It is good that the Messiah should enable the Germans of all people to feel morally superior to we Americans who have shed blood to enslave Europe, the Far East and now Iraq.

The Media tells us that the German people were “thrilled to listen to a politician who was deemed a “superstar”. Some in the crowd compared the address to the rock concerts and sports events that draw hundreds of thousands. “He is a bearer of hope” one man told a reporter. Another told a reporter “A lot of Germans think he can save us. People want to see the change.”

Tonight I shall sleep more restfully, knowing that the SUV-driving, coffee-sipping anxious young Leftists of California are near the end of their suffering. Next January we shall have a President who will resolve fuel problems at home, restore the economy, end homelessness, fight global warming without taking away Californians SUV’s (how else will they transport their dogs to be shampooed and get to Starbucks?), provide free health care for all, keep Alaska pristine, eradicate AIDS in Africa with US dollars, surge in Afghanistan whilst bloodlessly withdrawing from Iraq, pursue Bin Laden into the depths of Pakistan, charm the Iranian Mullahs into nuclear disarmament, protect Israel whilst winning the love of the Arabs and stunning the whole world with the finest platitudes. By January the Media will announce that the world’s people who once hated us are now willing to forgive. I can’t wait!

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