Mr. Right caught up with Media Man in Hollywood’s Beverley Hills during the Thanksgiving weekend and managed to tape a brief interview with him.
Mr. R. This is a coincidence Media Man. I was just down here looking at these multi-million dollar luxury homes with their manicured lawns and secured perimeters and never expected to see you on a driveway. It is very good of you to give me a few minutes of your time. I should warn you that I write for radical-and-right’s website.
MM. Radical eh? I like that. We Media people are very radical so I am sure your website meets with our approval. Some of the stuff that gets on the Internet is very offensive though and we are exploring ways to put a stop to those people who think it exists to bypass the mainstream media. I think Koffi Annan and the UN would do a good job of supervising it worldwide. Or perhaps George Soros could buy it!
Mr. R. Your house is magnificent, and so big. Is it just you and your wife who occupy it?
MM. Wife? I don’t have a wife! We media people don’t believe in all that marriage nonsense, except for publicity or same-sex couples. Hugh Heffner sends me young starlets whenever I am down here and we party. You know, snort a little cocaine, get the Hollywood crowd in and have a good weekend orgy. And lots of very young girls and pretty boys! Hollywood people are very imaginative and you’d be surprised what we get up to! That’s why I need a big place and lots of bedrooms.
Mr. R. The house on the next lot is also very big and expensive looking. Who lives there?
MM. That’s one of Alec Baldwin’s homes. He’s a great guy and so very concerned for the poor.
Mr. R. I am surprised he is here as I thought he was going to leave America when George W. Bush was elected President.
MM. Yes! He did say that, didn’t he! Well, Hollywood people can say anything, can’t they? They can’t be expected to live up to everything they say. Often they say things for effect. It sounded good at the time and that’s all that counts. It made Bush look like a disaster.
Mr. R. All these giant expensive houses are impressive and I can see that they are appropriate for our master class, but don’t they seem a bit over-the-top for people who are so concerned for the world’s poor and for the environment?
MM. Investments, my dear man! Investments! Many own vast ranches as well and sea front places in Miami. We have to do something with all the money we make and property is a good investment. Besides, when you spend all your time worrying about the poor, the deaths in Iraq – the insurgents, I mean, not the US soldiers -, the climate change, the Amazon rainforest, Africa and Aids, you need a comfortable home to recharge the batteries.
Mr. R. I assume you were very pleased with the election outcome. You Media people certainly did a good job. Your campaign was perfectly timed, what with one Republican scandal after another and talking down the economy and talking up the Iraq death toll.
MM. Yes, we were slick, weren’t we? Mind you that John Kerry nearly knocked us off course. The Democrats were under strict instructions not to open their mouths during the campaign and then that dope had to make a speech! Still, we managed to play it down despite Rush Limbaugh’s best efforts. Now that our pawns in Congress – sorry, I mean Nancy and Harry’s Democrats – control both Houses its time for a little payback with Limbaugh and Co. We need to shut down Talk Radio. It’s so unfair that conservative broadcasters get a big following on the air, peddling all that prejudice and true facts. It’s a sad business about George’s Air America as he put so much of his hard-earned money into it. Al Franken did his best but it seems we just can’t get a radio audience. I suppose we will just have to be content with controlling the TV networks, the newspapers and magazines and Showbiz. If we could just close down Rush Limbaugh.
Mr. R. What is your next big project? Or do you have more than one?
MM. Getting Hillary elected President in 2008 is the big one. And getting Bill installed as Secretary General of the UN would be icing on the cake. He could bring so much joy to women across the world. We are giving him all the publicity we can for ‘good works’, so we are hopeful. He is in the forefront in the fight against AIDS and poverty, as you will have noticed every time you open a newspaper or magazine. He is exhausting himself traveling the world in the search for poor women. Also, we need to get the Supreme Court sorted with a progressive liberal majority. I suppose the other nice achievement would be to sell out the Bush allies in Iraq and put the Sunnis back in charge, perhaps even with Saddam restored as President.
Mr. R. How are your people doing in the UK? Our website has an interest in that country.
MM. We are doing well there. Our people at the BBC are doing a great job. Blair is a lame duck now and the BBC has to decide whom to anoint in his place. There are plenty of candidates falling over each other for Media endorsement, but we will have to see who offers most in terms of gay rights, open door immigration and shutting down the evil BNP. I am afraid you can’t leave big issues like ‘guilt’ and ‘innocence’ to juries, and that Leeds trial was a miscarriage of justice. The outcome has left many of the UK’s top entertainers feeling sick. I hear that Elton has been throwing up recently, so you can see how sensitive our people are to injustice. And poor Billy Bragg is speechless. Still, we have much to be thankful for, what with the war going badly in Iraq and not much better in Afghanistan and Iran going nuclear and North Korea making the US look puny and Vladimir getting his man in London. Suddenly the US is not looking like the world’s superpower and that has to be good for mankind and the planet. I’m afraid I will have to leave you, as I have to attend the opening of a play in New York. It’s all about this guy who is a transvestite ladies hairdresser, and his sister is a lesbian actress and they adopt two AIDS babies from the Congo and have a friend who is planning to shoot George Bush and they meet a bi-sexual writer and all live happily ever after. Somehow it reminds me of the phrase ‘Brave New World’.
Mr. R. With that, MEDIA MAN jumped into his chauffeur-driven limousine and headed for LAX.