Agenda for the 2008 Democratic National Convention

17 February 2008

We interupt our regular reports to bring you the following public service announcement:

Agenda for the 2008 Democratic National Convention
(Just Released)

7:00 pm • Opening flag burning

7:15 pm • Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N. (In Spanish)

7:20 pm • Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm • Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm • Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm • Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm • How I Invented the Internet – Al Gore

8:15 pm • Gay Wedding – Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm • Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm • Our Troops are War Criminals – John Kerry

9.00 pm • Saddam Memorial Rally – Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon

11.00 pm • Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm • Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund – Barbara Streisand

11:15 pm • Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay – Sean Penn

11:30 pm • Oval Office Affairs – William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm • Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm • How I became the first black President – by William Jefferson Clinton

12:00 • How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers – Howard Dean & Rosie O’Donnell

12:15 am • ‘Truth in Broadcasting Award’ – presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am • Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am • Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am • Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

12:50 am • Speech and toast by Hugo Chavez to the departure of ‘The Great Satan’, ‘W Bush’

12:55 am • Hillary proposes a toast to our 89 million new Democratic Mexican voters

1:00 am • Ted Kennedy proposes a toast to the extinction of the Republican party

1:05 am • Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am • Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am • Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home

1:36 am • Hillary asks Ted Kennedy to drive Obama home

1:45 am • End of Nation

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